Random Thoughts, Whimsy, Gripes & Bitches from My Universe

Traffic stupidity

2008-03-10T14:10:00.002-04:00

Ok, I thought we had the dumbest people on Earth in the city I work in. Nope. Not even friggin' close.

Went to assist a neighboring department the other night with my volunteer department for a bad car accident. The roadway was completely blocked with cars, debris & injured people, that they were unable to get THROUGH the scene to the other side to shut down the roadway & divert traffic. So, they called us, asking us to respond from the opposite direction and stop traffic at a particular intersection and detour traffic. No problem.

I was the officer in charge on our truck. We arrived at the assigned location, turned the truck sideways across the road, had all the flashing lights on, set up the 100,000 watt light towers mounted on top of the truck to illuminate the intersection & the personnel directing traffic, and began to divert the cars coming down the road.

I had 2 other firefighters on the ground besides myself all wearing reflective vests and carrying flashlights, plus all the light from the aforementioned light towers. As cars approached, we waved them to turn with the flashlights. You would think it was self-explanatory & easily understood, right? Not by a friggin' long shot.

Time after time, cars would stop and tell me they had to get through. Sorry, the road is closed, there is a bad accident up ahead I would tell them,a s politely as I could. A few would say Ok and accept the detour. Some would tell me they were just passing through the area, and didn't know how to go around, fine - no problemo. We'd give them directions to bypass the wreck and end back up on the same road.

Occasionally, a tractor-trailer would pull up, and they only knew one route to get to where they were going, so we would also give them directions. Easy enough.

Then we had the morons, idiots, and plain old schmucks. They would pull up and say things like "I have to get through, I live down the road." or "Can't I just go past, I'm going to so and sos house down there and I don't know another way" or the ever popular, "What's going on? Is the road closed?"

To all of them, I felt like saying "DUH!" and giving them a good smack upside the head. But you can't do that and must remain professional. So to them all, I explained that the road was closed due to a serious car accident, and they would have to go around or wait. Nothing I could do. A few of them actually lived prior to the accident scene, so I would let them pass and go to their house.

Then I got the NASA rocket scientist. He wanted to go past. I tried to calmly explain to him the situation. he told me he just lived up the road and couldn't he pass and go home. I asked him where it was, because I would let him go if it was before the accident scene. He kept giving me a run-around as to where he lived, naming off different streets. I tried to explain to him that I was not familiar with all the streets he was naming, since this was not our fire district & we were assisting another department. Trying to keep my cool, and get a straight answer. Mind you, he stopped his car in the middle of the road, got out and is in the roadway talking to me. There is a line of cars behind him that can't get by. He continuously asks me to let him pass, and I keep refusing since I don't know where he's trying to go. I ask him at least times to move his car off the roadway so the other cars can pass, and each time he asks if I will let him by. "No Sir, you can't pass, please move your car off the roadway so these other vehicles can pass by". Finally, after the 6th or 7th time, he gets in his 1990 Chevy Blazer P.O.S. and pulls off the road onto the shoulder. The line of cars goes around, and he gets back out and walks up to me, irate. We went round & round again for several minutes, with him asking if he could go through, pull into a different neighborhood & walk home. Again, he could not clearly tell me if the street was before or after the accident scene, so I refused to let him pass.

I finally gave up my attempts to reason with him, get a straight answer from him, and be civil to him. I told him he was not passing by, he would have to go around or wait, and that was the end of it. And if he didn't get into his car and leave, I would have a deputy respond and have him arrested for interfering with a firefighter in the performance of his duties (a felony in this state). He got pissed, mumbled something as he turned around, got in his aforementioned P.O.S. and drove off, never to return during our time there.

Fun, huh? Not hardly. You thought that was as bad as it got? NOoooooooooooooooooooooo. Not even close, bud!

Several minutes later, another little P.O.S. comes zipping down the road and tries to disregard the directions and traffic control and simply go around the fire truck. I step out from around the truck and block his way & he stops. I walk up to the drivers window to see what this guy is thinking, and before I can open my mouth, he goes off on me. I flurry of obscenities, four-letter words & colorful metaphors pours forth from this 'gentlemans' mouth. Let me paint the picture for you. The car is an older Mitsubishi mirage, a small car to say the least. The male driver is an easy 400 pounds, his wife in the passenger seat is an easy 350 pounds, and there are two girls in the back seat that appear to be about 10-14 years old, and they each are about 250 pounds. Now, I'm not the most smelt guy in the world, but they made me look anorexic and all I could think was "That poor car!"

So, this guy is yelling at me for having the road blocked and how he has to get by, and all kinds of nasty words spew forth. Nice. I try to maintain my composure & professionalism and attempt to ask him what the problem is and find out where he is going, and see what I can do to make his life just a teensy bit better. He tells me the name of the road he wants to go to, where they live, and it is exactly where the wreck is at. I try to explain that to him, and he again goes off on me telling me that he was the one that called int he wreck and the street is before the accident scene, and he needs to get his wife home because she's diabetic & needs her medicine. My first instinct was to ask him "Well, if you called in the wreck, what the hell are you doing down here???" But, I didn't, and in between his rants of profanity and his wife trying to tell him to stop, I tied to explain to him that I have orders to follow, and they are not to let any cars through other than emergency vehicles that have to go to the scene.

He then begins screaming at me that he wants my name and badge number (hello - I'm not a cop dumbass) and that he is going to report me to whoever is in charge, blah blah blah. Again, I try to get him to calm down long enough to explain to him that if he would just stop yelling at me for a minute, I would get on the radio, call the command officer at the scene and see if we could let them go to the house to get her medicine. Finally, his wife got him to shut up and I do in fact call on the radio to the incident commander, tell him what's going on, and he says it's OK to send them on he'll find a way to get them through to get the medicine. Ok, so I tell the guy that he can go on through, and now he wants to be my best friend. Telling me that he knows we have a hard job to do, and he's sorry for losing his temper, and he had tried to get in from the other end and couldn't and had come around and found us there and he was frustrated, blah blah blah. Yeah, whatever. Go on and get out of my face.

Shortly after he left, another car pulls up. The guy driving stops, rolls the window down, turns off the motor, leans out and looks at me and asks "What's going on?" "The road is closed, you can either go that way or turn around and go back the way you came." I calmly say to the guy. "Oh, ok, cya" and he drives off. Are you friggin' kidding me????

Thankfully, after about an hour and a half of this nonsense, they got all the injured transported and the cars removed from the roadway, and the incident commander called me and told me I could open the road & we were clear to return. Oh, Thank GOD!

People really are basically stupid creatures.

Stupid People

2007-11-13T22:08:00.000-05:00

They're everywhere.... stupid people. I mean it. Walk around during the day and make a list off all the stupid people you encounter. By the end of the day, you'll have 40 or 50 names on the list. Then, realize that half of those people are even dumber than you think.

Case in point. Responded on an EMS call recently for a reported overdose. Nothing unusual there, have them all the times. Sometimes legit, sometimes BS. Many different reasons for them. Someone was depressed, lonely, wanted attention, bored, liked folks in uniform, blah blah blah. Whatever. Anyway, I digress.

So we pull up, and there stands said idiot. His clothes look like they've been slept in for a week, but he looks like he hasn't slept in a week. Ok, this could be something. There's a girl there - woman, I should say. Half his age... and he looks 50. We start to talk to him. Detective time.

Now I have to try and figure out if A) He took something, B) What it was, C) How much he took, D) How long ago he took it, and finally E) Why he took it. So, we commence with the 20 questions. I get 60 answers - each different from the last. First he said he found the pills on the ground. Then he said he found them in friends car, first they were white, then blue now yellow. After several minutes of exhausting questioning, and the girls departure, he admits that they were hers, he was in her apartment, and he took them from her medicine cabinet without her knowledge. He didn't say anything at first, because he didn't want to get her in trouble or kicked out of her apartment. HUH??????

"Ok, let's take it from the top, Pal. You took them from the medicine cabinet, they were yellow, and you took 4 or 5 of them. What were they?"
"Don't know - there was no name on it. I thought they'd help me sleep."
"Why'd you think that?"
"Because the bottle said 'Take before Bedtime'."

"Lemme see if I got this straight....... You took 4 or 5 of some kind of pill that you don't know what it is or what it will do because you thought it would help you sleep because it said take before bedtime on the bottle?"
"Right"
Friggin' genius. Here's your damn sign.... get in the ambulance.

The kind of thoughts that keep me out of the good schools.....

2006-01-02T16:06:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ok. I know. I have not posted on here in a VERY long time. Trust me, my powers of observation have not gone away. I still see things and pay attention to things that most others ignore, miss or just plain over look.

I will endeavor in 2006 to pot on this Blog more often. How's that for a resolution?

Anyway, I got to thinking about something the other day that had caught my notice back in September when school started, but I hadn't commented on.

Now, think back to the start of the school year for all the kiddies out there. Especially think about the 12-16 year old girls. Got your attention? Good. Now, as decent parents, what do we try and do for our children? Raise them right, of course. Good answer. This included teaching them right from wrong, making smart choices in life, etc etc. Some of the most important ones of course are staying in school, doing well in school, staying off drugs and alcohol, not getting into trouble with the law and not getting sexually active.

Now we all know that kids are having sex younger and younger these days. When an ex-girlfriend of mine told me sometime back that she had taken her 12 year old daughter to get her tongue pierced, she used the excuse "Well, you have to pick and choose your battles." Oh, hell no! She's a child! You simply tell her NO! When you're 18, and your body is your own, then you can do what ever you want to it, and hopefully you did your job as a parent and raised them right so they make those good choices. There is only one thing a tongue piercing is for, and if you allow and /or take them to get it done, it's as good as telling them it's ok to use it for the intended purpose. Anyway, I digress.

Over the summer, before school started for the year, I was reminded of a phrase I had heard many years ago but had forgotten about; Prost-a-tots. It had given me a chuckle when it was said in the context it was used in and by the person it was used by. Then, as the school year approached, we were inundated with ads for back-to-school sales and fashions, right? Right. Then I noticed the styles. The clothes these kids are wearing these days are tighter and tighter, skimpier and skimpier. Not to mention that kids, especially the girls, are developing much sooner in life than ever before. So, where does that leave us? Younger kids being more sexually active than ever, clothes are more revealing than ever, and then we send them off to the bus stop on the first day of school.

There they are, 15 year old girls, looking like 30 year old women, standing on the street corner in the early morning dim light, wearing designer clothes that leave very little if anything to the imagination. Prost-a-tots. Damn.

Am I the only one that sees the irony in this, let alone something wrong with it?

You can find stupidity everywhere

2005-09-04T20:52:00.000-04:00

The other morning, I was driving home from work when I looked in my rearview mirror while sitting at a traffic light. I could clearly see the woman behind me through her windshield. She was yelling ....... at what???? I sat and stared at her through the mirror as she ranted and raved, slammed her hands repeatedly on the steering wheel, and waved her hands wildly. I managed to read her lips a couple times, and finally figured out, she was late for something, and in a hurry, and yelling at............... nothing but the air in her car! It was quite humorous, and good for a great laugh.

Shortly thereafter, I got behind two little old bluehaired ladies driving up the boulevard. Only problem is, they were in separate cars, riding side-by-side. Yes, folks - it was the geriatric drag races! Mind you, it was only a two-lane road, so I had no way around them. They were racing along at around 40 MPH, too bad the speed limit is 50 MPH and everyone usually does 60 MPH on that road. It took a while, but finally, one went a bit faster than the other and made an opening just big enough for me to zip around. Then of course, you could encounter a reason for a traffic jam that actually speaks the truth about the average driver, like so;

Ever see a seemingly ordinary and everyday object or sign, and suddenly realize it could have a double meaning or be blatantly funny? Well, I am always on the lookout for such things. I thought I would share some of them with you, the following are some examples of why stupid people should not be allowed to make signs.

Ya just gotta love when literate people are involved in signage.

As promised, tales from Wally World

2005-07-25T21:58:00.000-04:00

Once again, I have a wonderful Wally World story to regale you all with. I think part of the reason I continue to go there is for the comic relief. Anyway, I had to go to Wally world not once, but twice last Friday. On my first visit, I was entering the store, and I passed by a woman standing in the lobby with 3 small children, and FIVE shopping carts full of groceries. Yes, five! I couldn't believe it. Let me tell you, they were overloaded, too. Each one was jammed full of food, and the racks underneath each one had large items stuffed in there as well. It was inspiring, really. I didn't know that anyone could buy so much food at one time. Only thing I can figure, is the rest of her kids must be with her husband, and he was out getting the car pulled to the front door to load up. I hope they had at least a mini-van.

After I was done, I was walking out the door to head home. I got stopped by a very pregnant girl in the parking lot. It was HOT that day, let me tell you, and I had the top down on my Jeep. She asked if I was heading in a certain direction because her ride had stranded her at Wally World, and she had no money. For a minute, I actually felt bad for her. I like to try and find the good in all people, but I'm too much a cynic. So, I often wonder when approached by people like that if they are telling me the truth or bull shitting me as part of a scam. Either way, I wasn't going the way she wanted, so I couldn't give her a ride even if I had wanted to, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. Not to mention, she probably didn't need to be riding in a lifted Jeep with the top down, being about 7 months pregnant by my estimation. Then she really made me feel bad. She asked if I could spare a dollar or two so she could get a drink out of the vending machines. Despite my cynical attitude and street smarts, I probably would have given it to her. Only problem was I didn't have any cash on me. I normally don't carry cash, and use my debit card for everything. She spotted another man getting in a car, and very politely in fact, excused herself saying maybe she would have better luck with him for a ride, and headed over to talk to him. I was just about to the point where I was going to offer to take her inside and buy her a big bottle of water or gatorade and something to eat, when she looked over to me and said that this guys was willing to giver her a ride and thanked me for being so nice. Damn.... Maybe not everyone is so bad after all.

Then, the other night, we were in Wally World once again getting food for the party. I was in a hurry to get out since I was on my way to a fire. That same silly chick tried to stop me at the door and wanted to see my receipt. I think by now, she's getting fed up with me, since this time I told her I didn't have time for her nonsense, I was going to a fire and had to go, as we breezed past her and out into the parking lot we went.

I really need to start shopping elsewhere.

Old people scare me

2005-06-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

This is one for the archives. I was sitting in McDonald's the other day, having lunch alone during a break from a class I was taking. I sat there eating my cheeseburger and reading a book, minding my own business. My solitude was soon disturbed by a shadow across the table. I looked up to see an old man standing in front of me, he then walked around to the side of the table and got right next to me and bent his face down so it was about 6 inches from mine. Ok, not much in life bugs me more easily than getting in my space - especially if I don't know you.

Seeing he was an old man, and I was in uniform, I tried to be polite as he stared at me and said "Are you reading a book?" What I wanted to say was "Nope, I'm watching the paper decay... Here's your sign!" but I was nice and simply said yes. He then proceeded to say "You don't see too many people reading books anymore." I found that remark kind of odd, people read all the time, and I am always reading some book or another. He then proceeded to ask me what the name of it was.

I smiled and told him the title, then he wanted to know the author. I told him that as well, at which he replied "You like his writing?" Again, I had to stifle the wise-ass remark I wanted to make along the lines of "No, can't stand him, that's why I've read all the other books in this series by this author - Here's your second sign", but alas, being in uniform and technically on-duty, that would b not have been wise. So I simply told him that I indeed enjoyed reading his writing.

At that, he turned and walked off as silently as he had approached and got a cup of coffee. He then sat down at the table across from me and stared at me as I ate and continued reading. It was almost if he was astonished to see someone read and eat, and quite frankly gave me the creeps. So, I finished quickly and left, heading back to the training facility to read in peace and quiet for the remainder of our lunch hour.

Another for the books. Last week, my friend and I went on a road trip to the 4 wheel drive shop out of town to get my Jeep worked on. I picked him up at his place and he wanted to stop and get a cup of coffee and a doughnut before we hit the road. Ok, no problem. We pulled into the parking lot and were climbing out of my Jeep, and we both saw it at the same time. Two old women had pulled in ahead of us and were trying to get out of their car. Finally, they began to walk across the lot.

Snails moved faster than these two old ladies. I actually felt bad for them that age had taken its toll on them, as it will all of us some day, and their frailty left them at a greatly reduced speed. Then I saw the trembling hands and legs as they made their way across the parking lot. That's when the thought hit my brain. These two could barely walk, yet one of them had DRIVEN here! What kind of a hazard on the road did they create? Reaction times for this old woman were most certainly slowed and reflexes would never be quick enough to avoid an accident if one were to occur. My God, they both looked like they needed wheel chairs, walkers at least. Yet, here they were, driving around town in that big-assed Cadillac. About the time all these thought raced through my brain, my friend looked to me and said exactly what I was thinking - he having the same thoughts I had. Neither of them belonged on the road, they looked like they should be playing Bingo at a nursing home. I only hope that they don't wind up killing themselves or someone else on the road as they meander along their way.

Finally, the last one of the bunch is once again at my favorite local neighborhood Wally World. Again, I don't know why I continue to shop there. I went in to pick up 3 specific items last week I needed. I figured I would be in and out in under 7 minutes, since I knew exactly where each item was and I would use the express self-checkout lane. There are 4 of them in the store, 2 were out-of-service, one had 3 people in line and the 4th had a little old lady making a purchase of 1 half-gallon container of milk. Cool, this should be fast. NOPE! Was I ever in for a surprise. This little old lady scanned the item, and pressed the cash button when asked for method of payment, then proceeded to start shoving nickels in coin collector as if it were a slot machine. Yup, she was paying for her $2.69 half-gallon of skim milk entirely with nickels! Why not pennies!?!?!?!?!? Make it more interesting. I turned to go to the other lane, only to find that 3 more people had gotten into that lane and it would be no quicker than to stand and watch Granny feed the slot machine. Sheesh.

YOU! Out of the gene pool!

2005-03-30T19:48:00.000-05:00

Ok, once again I feel the need to vent about the daily stupidity that surrounds us. A couple weeks ago, I was driving to work. It had been a chilly night, and frost had formed on all the windows. Me being the person I am, I went outside early and warmed up my vehicle before the commute to work. As I was making my trek, I was approaching a side street when car pulled right out in front of me and and cut me off. I had to get on the binders pretty damn hard to avoid hitting it. Damn if every single window on the car that cut me off was frosted over. This idiot couldn't see anything along side or behind him. In addition, the side mirrors were frosted over as well. Needles to say, this schmuck was an accident waiting to happen. Would be great if a police car, fire engine or ambulance came up from behind with lights flashing and siren blaring trying to get to an emergency - this guy wouldn't know what it was or which way to go.

The other morning, I was on my way to work. I needed gas, and pulled into the station. The thought of having to shell out over $2.00 a gallon for gas is at best, insane. Now, since the Squirt was in the back seat, I always use the stations that have card readers and pay for gas off my debit card. This is great, except for when the printer for the receipt is out of paper. So I had to get her out of the car seat and go inside anyway, so I could get a receipt so I don't screw up my bank account by not recording the purchase. I went in and patiently waited for the clerk to decide to help me. I was the only one in line, mind you. This moron was too busy talking to the other clerk about some mundane soda situation, to be bothered with helping me. Finally, the 2nd clerk asked the 1st one to help me. As he approached, he stopped, turned back to the other clerk and continued the conversation. I finally had to speak up and ask him to break away from his intriguing discussion of soda fountains to get me my damn receipt before he made me late for work.

This morning, another gas station, another moronic clerk. It must be an omen. Must you have an I.Q. of less than 70 to work at a gas station? Again, the Squirt was with me, so I used the card reader and got my gas. I was on my way to help move a couch for a friend. I wasn't running late, but I like to be on time. So, I got my gas, and what do you think happened? You got it - no paper again. I just shook my head. How hard is it to put paper in the damn printers? I pulled up to the station, and this time I was right in front of the door. I decided to leave the Squirt in the vehicle with the doors locked, since I could see her from the counter. I kept my eye on her the entire time I stood in line behind two schmos who were buying beer and cigarettes. mind you, it was 8:15 in the morning. These two knuckleheads were hitting on the clerk with gusto. Mind you, she was nothing worth looking at to begin with. I know, that's an extrememly politically incorrect thing to say, but hey - it was the truth. Anyway, I waited patiently while she flirted right back with the two schmos and left. I then stepped up to the counter and asked for a receipt. She proceeded to tell me that she needed my card to swipe it to print a receipt. This sounded a bit fishy to me, and I asked why since I already swiped my card to pay and I didn't want to be charged twice. She stated that she had to swipe the card again to get the receipt. I still was skeptical, but I gave it to her just so I could get my receipt and get on with my day. I stated something to the effect of "Can you make this any harder to get a receipt?" She just gave me one of those smug grins and handed over the receipt, telling me to have a nice day. I started to walk out, and about the time I hit the door, she turned to the person behind me in line and said "Mr. Attitude, huh?" at which I spun around and very loudly retorted "You got that right!" and left.

I hate stupid people.

Technology sucks

2005-02-17T23:39:00.000-05:00

Why do they have pay-at-the-pump gas stations, if the darn things don't work half the time? Isn't the purpose of these wonders of modern technology to speed your way through the process of getting gasoline and keep you from having to go into the station????

I alwasy seem to get the pump that is FUBAR in one way or another. Last week, it was the pump that the card reader didn't work. Oh, it said I was good to go and let me pump my gas. Once done, it said I had to go inside to see the cashier. Once inside the $5.00 an hour clerk without a high school degree informed me that it didn't capture my card and I needed to swipe my card inside.

This morning, I fueled up on my way to work. I had left myself an extra few minutes in my commute time to allow for this stop. To my chagrin, once I had fueled, the receipt wouldn't print. Why? I could hear the printer clicking away inside the pump. I'll tell you why - because another one of these $5.00 an hour non-high school graduating knuckleheads had neglected to do their job and refill the paper spool. So, I had to get the Squirt out of her car seat and go inside to get a receipt so I could keep track of my debit card purchase in my check book. I went in and asked for a receipt - and said $5.00 an hour non-high school graduating clerk decided that at 6:15 in the morning, he wanted to be funny. He replied by saying, "Well, if you really want one" I looked him square in the eye and said "No, I thought I would just come in and ask for one to waste my time this morning, make myself late, and add to the senseless killing of another tree, Here's your sign!" "Oh, did I mention - I'm in a hurry? Print the receipt!" This moron had an answer for everything, "Well, if I can just figure out how to make this thing work, it's kinda slow" Oh, great - just what I need. Yes, I got my receipt and headed out, grumbling under my breath. Somewhere, this guy is depriving a village of an idiot.

The other day, Bethanie & I went grocery shopping at Wally World - against my better judgement. You would think by now I would have learned my lesson. But, Nooooooooooo. I still shop there. After buying the needed items for our family dinner Saturday, we were heading out of the store. Mind you, I had only purchased about $40.00 worth of groceries. I did, however, have one of those 8-packs of paper towels in the cart. As we proceeded out the front door, the over-zealous door greeter / store police chick who could not find her way out of a paper bag with holes in it approcahed us. We were walking at a normal pace, and she asks me "Sir, do you have a receipt?" Without ever breaking stride, slowing down, or hesitating, I responded by saying "Why, yes Ma'am, I do - thanks for asking" and kept right on walking out the door. I think I caught her so off guard with that response that she didn't know what to say or do, because she never said another word or came after us. Yup - gotta love them Wally World Cops.

Ooooooooooh.... I'm driving my life away

2005-01-04T13:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not doing too well on my self-imposed boycott of Wally World. I have been there several times since my last rant about the mega-chain. Sadly, it is often the most convient place to go to get everything I need at one place without having to run all over and go to several different speciality stores. Ok, You win Wally World! I will most likely continue to shop there.

This mornings drive from one job to the other was another excersise in stupidty. It never ceases to amaze me how bad the average driver is. Maybe, that's why we refer to them as 'average' drivers. I had some dimwit cut right in front of me in a lane change, I assume so that he could get out from behind a slower moving car. I had to check up, as to avoid clipping his rear end. I made no offensive finger gestures, did not yell at my windshield, nor did I even toot my horn. What I did do was continue on my merry little way, fairly close to him. Why? You guessed it, because said dimwit had slowed down right in front of me! This is why I believe the bump-drafting and / or the P.I.T. maneuver should be legal on the roadway. When we reached the next intersection, we were both making a left turn, in a double left turn lane. I went to the far left lane, passing him since the right hand left turn lane that he was in was backed up farther. When we made the turn, he quickly sped up and zipped right in behind me, so close to my bumper I couldn't see the front end of his car in my mirror. After a break in the next lane, he zipped out from behind me and pulled along side, giving me a nice scowl. I hadn't figured I had done much of anything wrong to deserve that, but oh well. After he passed me, I changed lanes, got behind him, and made the next turn at the upcoming intersection. This put me right behind him, then he surprised me once more. He went to make a sharp left turn into a strip mall, stopping right in the lane of travel to wait for the break in traffic, instead of pulling into the turning lane. Now, I was officially pissed off. I went around him when there was a break in the other lane and then, and only then, did I show him what I thought of him and his driving skills, by offering up the official 1 finger salute.

Later on my journey to work, I had a woman decide to pace along side me. She road along in my blindspot on the right rear quarter panel, and would not let me change lanes. I finally got just enough room to ease over, and that elicited a nice toot of her horn to show her displesure with me. Oh, well - she'll get over it. I quickly zipped away and went to work.

Last night, we were responding to a call. Or rather, we were trying to respond to a call, attempting to pull out of the station onto the roadway. We couldn't get off the pad onto the road! Big red truck, lights and sirens, and people still kept on going by! How the hell do you miss that? We finally made a break in the traffic and headed down the road. Now we had all those cars in front of us that had not yielded to let us out that had to pull off the roadway so we could get around them and get to the call.

I hate driving anymore, the road is filled with self-important non-driving schmucks.

Wally World SUCKS

2004-12-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

You would think that with the holiday season smack dab on top of us, people would be a bit nicer. Nope, not the case! I, myself, am guilty too. I braved Wally World the other day. I was smart enough to put the Squirt in a shopping cart, and not let her walk through the store holding my hand as she had asked.

I was bumped into, nudged, pushed, and almost run over by little old ladies or children pushing shopping carts more times than I can count! And, let me tell you, not ONCE, did anyone of these rude ass people ever so much as offer an "I'm sorry", "Excuse me", "Pardon me", or any other type of ackowledgement for their increasingly rude behavior. Yup, the holidays are upon us. "People shopping, people shoving, dressed in holiday style, in the air there's a feeling of Christmas...."

By the time I was done in the store, which was all of 20 minutes, I had reached my limit. Half of what I wanted to quickly pick up, and the main item I had gone there for, they were out of. I settled on a few other items, to include the cookie dough so the Squirt & I could make Santa's cookies, and headed to check out. It was worse than being at the track! The lines were awful. I spotted a self check-out lane with only one man and his young son in it, and headed straight for it. He was eyeing up the contraption dubiously, and offered to let me go first since he was unsure of how to work it. I quickly scanned my items, one of which was a self-indulgant purchase of a DVD for myself. An all-time comedy classic, Blazzing Saddles. I proceeded on with my scans, only to have some old broad come and stand behind me, literally looking over my shoulder. I turned to see she was a Wally World employee, eyeing up whether or not I was old enough to purchase an R-rated movie. Yeah, right - like there was any doubt! She told me the computer would not let me check out unless she verified my age, so she swiped a card over the scanner to tell said computer I was of legal age. She then proceeds to tell me I need to put my birthdate in the computer. I had about had it by this point. I flat out refused to play her silly game, and told her I wasn't putting any of my information into said silly computer. She firmly told me if I didn't, I would not be permitted to by my movie.

My cork popped at this point. I told her to just put something in the silly thing and be done with it. She said it didn't work that way, and I said "Oh, yeah? Watch this, toots" and went about tapping in fictitious numbers. I don't think she liked it, but hey - it worked and I got my movie. Guess what happened next, gang? Yup, you guessed it - I set of the damn alarm going out of the store. I then was confronted with another old lady that looked like she needed to sit down before she fell down. She wanted to play Wally World Security for Christmas, and lemme tell ya, Five-Oh was on the job there!

She should have been an NYPD detective.

"Did you just purchase an age-restricted item?"
Why, yes - I did...... what's it to ya?
"Where did you check out at?"
I dunno lady, the one with the register, why?
"I need to know which one so I can verify you are allowed to buy that"
Are you fucking kidding me here? Do I look like I'm under 18? I don't think so, I wish I did!
"Where is your receipt?"
In my pocket.
"I need to see it"
My pocket? it's right here on my pants. (Ok, I admit, I was now being a smart-ass, but it was fun)
"Sir, I need to see your receipt"
Oh, well you should have been more specific. Look, lady - the chick up at the register already verified my age. Ya'll out cruising for younger guys or what?
"That's not funny"
I thought it was hillarious, personally
"If you don't show me your receipt, I'll be forced to call store security"

Ok, now this was amusing by this point, I was really getting into it, however - still annoying.

Ma'am, you really think you could get the rent-a-cop out here faster than I can make it to my vehicle and be gone? Unless you are planning on running me down in the parking lot yourself. Either way, I think I got it made.
"You're not being very cooperative"
Nope, I'm not. This place is a joke. Everytime I come in here, there is another rogamoroll to get out of the store. You would think I just knocked over the cash room. Here - here's my receipt. Happy now?
"May I see your ID?"
Nope
"Excuse me?
No. You may not see my ID. I already verified my age when buying the movie. Now, if you'll excuse me, my egg nog is getting warm.

And with that, I was off into the evening. My daughter wanting to know what all the fuss was about with the, as she put it, "Silly old women working there". And I thought it was just me that found them daffy.

This morning's little stop off at the Wally World didn't go much better. I had forgotten to get half and half for the coffee at the station, and decided since Wally World was in sight of the station, and I was in a hurry, and they are open 24 hours - bingo. Grab it on the way to work. Yeah, right. 2 days before Christmas, and these knuckledheads have 2, count 'em, 2 registers open. And this one does not have the self check out. Although, I probably would have gotten carded for the half and half anyway! So I waited in line. And waited. And waited. I kid you not, it took me 23 minutes to get through the checkout, almost making me late for work. Luckily, I always leave for work early, just in case.

The brainiac working the register, had one speed, backwards. She can see there is a line stacked up, you think she put forth any effort to speed up and get us out. Nope. Not one bit. If anything, I think she went slower. Then she had a problem with a check, had to get a manager, wait for approval... see where I am going with this? Gang, this is all true - I swear. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to. Well, maybe I could, but nontheless, it happened. Even the guy behind me was commenting on how inept and slow she was, and that you would think that there would be more than 2 registers open just 2 days before Christmas. And here I was thinking it was just me. Sam Walton is spinning in his grave, I'm convinced. I may have to boycott Wally World. I am that fed up with their nonsense.

Christmas Thoughts

2004-12-05T19:07:00.000-05:00

I have so far filled this site with mostly gripes and bitches about things that annoy me. I think I need to remedy that.

Today is thoughts and whimsy... better hold onto your bootstraps kiddies.

The things that come from a childs mouth are wonderous. The other day, my 5 year daughter old looked at her grandmother and asked for a bananna split. When she was told there were no banannas, she proceeded to ask "Can't you just improvise?" Yes, a 5 year old used the word improvise correctly in a sentence.

Now for the Christmas thoughts... and for those of you that do not celebrate Christmas, I do not intend to offend anyone.

I get giddy when putting up Christmas decorations, I'm just a big kid at heart I guess.

Liquid Potpouri makes great wood cleaner..... I found out the hard way.

Christmas trees can be too big.

You can never have too many Christmas lights, but you can have a bad display of them.

I am tired of getting hit up at every store by the Salvation Army dudes ringing bells.

Christmas should be white...... EVERYWHERE. No exceptions. I don't care if you live on the Equator, there should be snow for Christmas. It can melt away the next day.

Christmas is too commercial. We often forget the reason for the holiday, but I can't help getting caught up in the commercial part of it.

I love hosting Christmas get-togethers.

I have to work Christmas Day this year............. again.

I spend more than I have on Christmas.

I have learned that there is nothing like looking at Christmas through the eyes of a child.

New Year's Eve sucks. It's amature night. The one night a year when those idiots who never go out and party, go out and party.

We are always busy during the holidays with bad emergency calls.

I can never remember to write the new year on my checks for the first month.

I enjoy Christmas comedy, as well.

My vehicle payment is due on Christmas Day.... think anyone will be there to accept it?

I put up alot of Christmas lights.... this in turn raises my electric bill.

Christmas lights look cool on fire trucks.

Santa was a fireman.

I love Christmas songs..... and really like singing along with them. I have some favorites, the top 5 in order are;

1) Carol of the Bells
2) Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree
3) Anything by Mannheim Steamroller
3) We Wish You a Merry Christmas (As done by John Denver and the Muppets)
4) Silent Night
5) Merry Christmas from the Family

I went light-hunting as a kid with my parents. I loved it.

I take my daughter light-hunting. She loves it.

I still love it.

I want to have one of those houses one year that people flock to for the lights.

I still get misty eyed when I watch Charlie Brown's Christmas.

I have played the drinking game that goes with How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

There is something magical about midnight mass on Christmas Eve, regardless of your religion.

I have been drunk on Christmas.

I have fought many house fires on Christmas.

Scrooged with Bill Murray is one of the best and funniest adaptations of Charles Dickens A Chrismas Carol.

I didn't like the remake of How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey.

I love the old classic Christmas cartoons: Rudolph, Frosty and Santa Clause is Coming to Town.

I have them all on tape.... bought them for my daughter to share my childhood memories and loves with her.

I think I enjoy them more than she does sometimes.

I never get my Christmas Cards done in time.

I miss my grandmother around the holidays, she always had a way of making them magical for me - even as an adult.

I have been to Rockefeller Center, seen the enormous tree and been ice skating.

My parents used to take us to New York City each year around Christmas to go to FAO Shwartz, Radio City Music Hall to see the Rockettes, the aforementioned Rockefeller Center, the window displays along 34th Street, and of course, Macy's in Herald Sqaure.

I loved those times as a kid, they are some of my most favorite and cherished holiday memories.

Dumb, rude and full of ignorance

2004-11-28T13:51:00.000-05:00

Todays bitch is, once again, about stupid people. I was in Wally World the other day picking up a few things I needed. I was in a rush, and the lines were long. Holiday shoppers be damned. I chose to use the self check-out in an attempt to speed my departure from shoppers hell. This was a bad idea. The machine decided it didn't feel like working correctly, and after I had scanned my 2nd and last item, it told me to remove it from the bag and re-scan it. Ok, no biggie. Except, it would not allow me to re-scan the item. I tried in vain several times to do it, but the machine was having none of it. Here is where the stupid person comes in.

I got the attention of the minimum wage knucklehead-ette working the service area for the self check-out and tried to explain to her that it would not allow me to re-scan the item. Well, in the time I turned my back on said machine and started talking at (not to) the clerk, the machine had cleared and she simply pointed to it and said "You have to scan the item". I turned back and saw it was working, then tried to explain to her that it had been locked up, and right in the middle of my sentence, she turned her back on me and walked away from me to do some mindless task at another register. I instantly got pissed.

In a loud enough voice to be heard by everyone in a 20 foot radius, I said to said knucklehead-ette "Please don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you, that is VERY rude!" and she kept on going! When she turned back and went back to her little table, I had finished my check-out and approached her. I again, tried to explain to her that the machine was acting up and I didn't appreciate her walking away and ignoring me while I was in mid-sentence. She did it again! Right as I was trying to tell her this, she turned and walked off in the other direction, my voice trailing off in her ears as she did so. Ok, now I was livid. I'm not one to take such mindless stupidity and rudeness lightly. I sought out one of the managers and told her about the actions of this minimum wage moron. She said she would pull her off the floor and talk to her and deal with it. I left, disgusted with humanity once more. I have no idea if the manager actually did anything about it, but I felt a bit better for having said something to someone about it.

That brings me to cops. I usually have no problem with them. As a driver, I have not been pulled over in years. Until earlier this month in Ohio when one of Bowling Greens finest snagged me for what he termed as an illegal U-turn. Now, it was total BS, as I had already discussed in a prior post on the other Blog. Today, my streak continued. On my way to work this morning, I was going down the boulevard heading towards the station. I was not running late, per say, but I was right on the bubble of being slightly behind schedule. I crested a hill and honestly didn't pay any mind to the cop coming the opposite direction. He turned into the median and was about to turn around, and I was just about on top of him. Then he hit the lights. I figured he had a call and was turning around for it. I pulled off to the side of the road just as I was passing him to allow him to pull out. Imagine my surprise when he pulled in behind me! WTF? I rolled the window down as he walked up and asked what was up? He asked "Sir, you know why I pulled you over?" Ummm.... no, no clue. "I clocked you doing 61 in a 50" he informed me. Damn, I thought. I proceeded to tell him I honestly had not been paying attention to my speed, just jamming along to the radio and heading to the station for my shift. "Well" he said "Just slow it down for me, ok?" Yeah, sure, no problem. And back on my way I went. Sometimes, it pays to be a fireman. The cops don't usually like giving us tickets. One of these days, I am sure my luck in this area will run out, but not today!

School busses

2004-11-03T16:18:00.000-05:00

I don't know how it is where you live, but here, our school busses have a speed governor on them that keeps them from going faster than 45 mph. Ok, fine and dandy. Nice and safe for the little nose miners on their way to school. This being the case, they should prohibit these slow ass busses from driving on any road that has a posted speed limit in excess of 45 mph! Am I the only one who sees the logic in this?????? Not only does it slow up other vehicles stuck behind their slow asses, but how in the name of all that is holy can you justify having a rolling steel can going 10 or more mph SLOWER than the rest of the traffic barreling down on it????? I mean, THERE is your traffic hazard! People dodging out of the way of the damned things because they almost rear-ended it. And, of course, as my luck would have it - I get stuck behind each and every single one when I am in a hurry. Oh, I know I am not the only one.

Then there are the bus stops. Ok. I realize the little nose miners have to ride said rolling steel can to school. But why, please tell me, do high school aged kids have to have a bus stop every 25 feet, many right in front of their house????? Maybe this is why the obesity level in our youth has increased in the past 10 years. If we made them walk the customary 3 blocks to the bus stop that we had to when we were in school, instead of being picked up virtually on their doorstep, they would get the exercise they so desperately need.

Now, let's discus traffic lights. I know they work on various systems to regulate the flow of traffic. Some use cameras, some use motion sensors, some use magnetic pads in the roadway.... whatever, not the point here. The point here is, they are supposed to keep traffic flowing, right? Then someone please explain to me why it is, that whenever I am running late and in a hurry, all the &^&@#^@&#^!*@#& traffic lights going my way are ALWAYS red???? I don't get it! It's a mathematical fact that SOME of the lights should be in my favor when driving, right? Nope. Not today. I think the laws of physics and mathematics were changed this morning on my ride to work.

Combined with the red lights, ever notice the more of a hurry you are in, the slower the driver in front of you goes????? Oh, yes. Now this, IS a fact! I can't understand it. You wanna drive slow, fine. Move your happy ass to the right lane and get outta my way. I'm late by God!

In case you were wondering, yes - I have a case of road rage. Not to the point of shooting someone, or pulling a Richard Petty and bumping the car in front of me on the highway to get them to move - no, nothing that severe. I will, however, cuss at you in the hopes you somehow hear me and move over.

This morning, as I was passing one of the school zones, high school kid was trying to cross the street. Now, I give the kid credit. He was in the cross walk and was cautiously waiting for an opening in traffic, and was walking to school instead of being on said rolling steel can. Since it was early, the crossing guard was not yet on duty. Last time I checked the traffic laws, you have to yield for a pedestrian in a crosswalk. Ok, so I stopped. I was the only car on the road at that particular moment in time. He was standing in the center turn lane, half-way across. No other cars coming up behind me. He just stood there, staring at me with a dumb look on his face. Alright dumbass! You can cross anytime now! He musta heard me, because he quickly sprinted across the road and went on to school.

Speaking of traffic laws....... anyone know what your particular state says about stopping for a school bus? I do. I also know it says if you are coming the opposite direction of a school bus with it's red lights flashing, and you are on a divided highway - you need not stop. A divided highway is constituted by either a grass or concrete median between lanes of travel...... OR a center turn lane. You know how many mullets I see stopping for a school bus when there is a center turn lane between them and the school bus heading in the opposite direction??? A bunch. I can't stand it. I really hate stupid people. YOU! Outta the gene pool!

Trucks

2004-10-23T13:50:00.000-04:00

I hate trucks. Funny hearing myself say that, considering I used to be an over-the-road truck driver. Yup, that was me - BillyBob Big Rigger. Running my semi up and down the interstate, grabbing gears and scaring little old blue-haired ladies on their way to church. To be fair and honest, there are days when I miss it. I enjoyed the solitude you got from driving around the country, hours on end lost in thought on contemplation. I was pretty good it at too. I don't miss driving at 3AM through some mountain pass or another covered in snow in a blinding storm. Once again, I digress.

The point of this story is what happened on my way to work Thursday morning. The Squirt was securely fastened in her car seat as I made the 40 minute trek to my brother & sister-in-laws house to drop her off before heading to the station. 2 semis were going down the road in front of me - side by side. I hate that. You have two big-ass, slow-moving rigs belching smoke and mucking up traffic. One was a regular 53' van trailer being pulled by an over-the-road tractor, while the other was a set of doubles pulled by a day cab. I don't mind if one pulls out from behind the other to pass, but when you don't have the guff to make the pass, tuck back in behind and let the cars pass you by! Oh, no - not these two knuckleheads. Imagine that! These two idiots ran side by side for about 7 miles..... neither speeding up or slowing down to let the other pass or tuck in behind. I was already running a few minutes late and this did not help matters. To make matters worse, they were only chugging along at around 42 MPH while the posted limit is 50... and everyone usually does at least 60 on this stretch of road.

Finally, there was a break! One was slower getting up a hill than the other and I had a break between them in the lanes! I made my move and slid over and began to pass. WoooHooo! Away I went. Right up until I got to the traffic light. I didn't have the room to pass the rig, thanks to the line of cars in front. Now I was boxed in. As my usual good luck would have it, the other lane, with the truck next to me had a faster shot out of the gate, and he managed to get ahead of me in his lane. Just as there was a slight break in my lane and the cars began to accelerate - this idiot slides over right in front of me! DAMNIT!!!!!! Of course, there was a steady stream of cars behind him that immediately jumped on the gas and kept me blocked in. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! It wasn't until a few miles more down the road that I turned off, with him in front of me, but it was another 4 lane road, and I was able to zip around him - with a few colorful words yelled at my window that he would never hear and one nicely obscene finger gesture. Road rage is an ugly thing!

Didja Ever Notice?

2004-10-20T20:55:00.000-04:00

Didja ever notice? No, probably not. Most people walk through the world absorbed with their lives - never noticing what is to the left or right of them. Me? I look. Always have. Part of it I'm sure is my natural curiosity, but alot has to do with my training. I'm the guy that walks into a room, looks to see who is there, where they are, what they look like, what they are doing.... and where the fire exits are. Since 9/11 - I have found myself looking alot more. I look at each driver I pass on the roadway, just in case someone doesn't look 'quite right'.

I have been told I'm a "people watcher", I don't think that is entirely accurate. Yes, I watch people, but I watch more than just people. I watch events, incidents, accidents, etc.

Since this is the inaugural post of this blog, and it is designed to give me a place to comment on my many observations - I will share a few oddities I saw today. I had to go to Wally World on my way home this morning. For those of you scratching your heads - that's WalMart. I love Wally World, especially the super centers. Where else can you buy a 12 pack of Coors Light, a gallon of milk, a 12 gauge shotgun, and a car battery at 2 AM on a Sunday???? God Bless America!

Anyway, I digress. While walking into Wally World this morning, I overheard 2 sales associates excitedly asking a manager "Did you see that woman? She just walked out of the door!" Now, admittedly, I didn't see her either. I was looking at the door greeter who appeared to be having an aneurysm. Well, the manager had the same confused, quizzical, so-what look on her face as I did. I mean........ doors are for walking out of. The sales chick quickly managed to blurt out that she hadn't paid for the set of pots and pans she was carrying. Ahhhhh.... that makes a difference!

The manager sprung into action and headed out to the parking lot with the two sales chicks in tow. For a brief nanosecond - I considered going after them to find the woman with the wayward pots. But then I figured, they were already outside, and it was really none of my business. Then I started thinking..... #1 How did she manage to walk right past the manager without notice? #2 How did she manage to walk right past the 2 sales chicks without them stopping her. #3 How did she manage to walk right past the door greeter. (Ok, that one I can see - she was about 100 years old and needed to sit down before she fell down) #4 What of our highly-trained and ever vigilant Wally World Security Officer? You guessed it - right past him. I think he was taking a power nap. So, she managed to walk past all these highly skilled Wally World employees.

Now, once finished with my quick shopping excursion (I only needed one thing) I was headd for home. As I walked across the lot to my vehicle, a brand new red F-150 Lightning caught my attention, because it had to stop to wait for me to cross. Then it parked....... in a handicapped spot. OK.... not your average granny mobile.. but who am I to judge a persons choice in transportation? The passenger got out, a young and spry woman climbed out. Ok - not her car, so no biggie. I watched as the driver placed the handicapped placard on the winshield. Ok, at least he had one. The driver climbed out - again, young and spry walking to meet up with his lady friend. Both walked hand-in-hand into the store. No limps, walkers, wheelchairs, canes, crutches or scooters to be seen. Both walking at a nice brisk clip without any visible infirmities noticed. I hate people like that. I can't stand those who abuse the system.